TAELER.22 It’s been quiet around here. I’ll have to stop posting for a while. We’ve agreed that disclosing our personal lives to the public has been damaging to both our mental health. He was against it from the beginning. I love him. I want to spend my time listening to him talk about the death of euclid’s postulates. I appreciate all of you for following and supporting me all this time. This was something I needed at one point, a part of me still believes that I still do, but I’m afraid I’ve crossed far too many lines. Before we met, I was a complete mess. I think it would have been fair to call it rock bottom. But ever since I’ve been with him, I feel like I’ve found myself. It’s true what they say about love. If it’s real, it can make all of it worth it. It might be the only thing that can redeem us from ourselves. If there’s one advice I could ever give any of you, it would be to look for love and run after it. You deserve it.

User207983 Congrats on getting off this crazy app ;)

User306482 Glad your taking care of yourself!

User708226 <3

User880463 Love it!

User003156 Chase what you love baby :-)

TAELER.22 I feel more and more distant from him with every passing day. I fear that I’ll lose him soon. Our walking pace is mismatched. Parts of the staircase are disappearing. The night fog rises. The sky’s closing in. Literally. I see it falling. He calls me chicken little. The pills have been helping somewhat but I fear for the day I pat my pockets and fail to find my phone. The sky is falling but my anxiety is still. He always shakes his leg when we sit on the couch together: my body throbs, my breath shortens, my heart tumbles, the sky falls, my sweat inflicts frostbite on my skin, and I attempt to recall what my therapist said about subduing panic attacks. I’m really sick of being like this.

Beginner1 Sweetheart, I worry about you.

TAELER.22 Just having fun, chilling out at night. Felt a little random so I climbed a tree lol. I don’t know. The walls in my house just felt smaller for some reason so I thought I would get out. Were trees always this color? I’m starting to forget. I was waiting for my boyfriend to come over. Things have kind of been a little awkward lately but I’m trying to stay hopeful. I really want to make it work with him and I believe that we can. I need him. I’m in such a better place because of him that I can’t even imagine where I’d be without him. Life’s been hard. Most of it, you know? But I just want you all to know how much I appreciate all of you. I feel like I’ve been losing myself lately but your voices really make me feel loved. That’s invaluable to me. I don’t know where my boyfriend is. It’s kind of lame but I already miss him lol. I find myself staring at the door anxiously and every now and then I’ll mistake my heartbeat for a knock. But no one’s ever there. I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I hope all of you are having a better night. Remember that we’re all here for each other.

97% Boutta winna bet.

TAELER.22 The constellations in the sky looked like a jackson pollock painting. Our date went well; it’s been a rocky few months for the both of us. I recommend that all of you out there go on dates with your significant other more often, we’re trying to do better with that too. It really helps. The stars didn’t reflect in the water. Consistency is an archaic word. My boyfriend has been a little unwell lately. He mentions that there’s a persistent buzzing all over his body—like white noise, or something like that—as well as a strong compulsion to cut off his pinky toe. His eyes wander and I can never tell what he’s looking for. I think I might have done something wrong. Or maybe my facade is cracking. He says he no longer sees color and is convinced they were only ever an illusion. Are those mountains in the distance? I can’t tell. We have to move soon. Termites are chewing through our house of concrete.

Menu68 hey be careful. all that stuff sounds suspect to me

Cards54 Yeah. Don’t be offended but, is your boyfriend currently taking HassiYum?

Menu68 that’s what it sounds like. shit ain’t good

Cards54 Look, I’m not in the business of telling people how to live, but I’ve seen a lot of lives ruined by shit like this.

Menu68 Same

Cards54 Just really unlucky. Really unlucky. They deserved better. Really unlucky. Damn June.

TAELER.22 

111101 ?

TAELER.22 We moved in together! I couldn’t be happier. It was his idea because my anxiety kept acting up whenever we were apart. But I’m getting better. I’ve been working on being a lot more mindful lately and I think it’s going well. I’ve been going to therapy to learn how to minimize the damage in the occasional panic attack. I really love him so much. Every moment with him has me imagining our life together; replaying every conversation in my head like a hit song—every conversation—and now I feel like we can make our fantasies finally happen. I don’t know why he chooses to be with me, honestly. I really don’t get it. But I’m trying not to question it too much and just accept that I got lucky. But I’m going to get there. It’s going to make sense.

CostumeQueen You guys can do it!

Trinity Just leave, hon.

carlyfan people can work it out!!

NGC94 Did he cheat?

Sweet16 Be careful. You need to be ready when the penny drops. It’s soon.

TAELER.22 Wow, my last post blew up. Thank you so much!! I guess people really like hearing about successful love in times like these. You’re all being so kind, thank you. You would all be happy to know that things are going excellently. I am so madly in love with him that I can’t contain myself. I’m texting him every fifteen minutes. I might be really annoying LOL. Clingy, probably. I’ve just got it bad. I feel really lonely without him. Like I’m drifting in space. Anyway, I’ve been trying this new brand of cereal. It’s like this new all organic, free range, homebrewed gravel-based cereal. It’s really good, you eat it with liquor and soda. You can try it by clicking this link ███████████████ and typing in code REALLOVE for 10% off your first purchase.

Taeler22 It’s really goooooodddddd.

Thank you to @█████████
@█████████
@█████████
@█████████
@█████████
@█████████
for the great meal!

FairYouth73 Those are all the same companies?

TAELER.22 Hey, everyone! In case anyone’s wondering where I’ve been: I’m in a relationship! It’s the same guy I told you all about in my last post. We’ve been going out for a little bit and I finally feel comfortable with sharing our relationship with you guys. I can’t even begin to explain how happy I’ve been. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this liberated from my own flesh before. I can see the veins on his wrist pulsate whenever we hold hands on the couch, where we share our favorite poems that extol incomplete metaphors about young love in hushed half-embarrassed tones. Looking at him is like looking at a color corrected mirror image. I think he feels the same way. Neither of us usually move as fast as we’re currently moving; he mentioned that he had the tendency to be distant. I want to do right by him. Feel the blood flow in his veins. For the first time in a really long time, I feel like there’s a reason for tomorrow. I haven’t had time to work out or write recently but I don’t even mind. I owe him so much.

NGC94 Aww, so happy for you! Reminds me of how my husband and I started.

Rob108 TELL

User425007 yay!! Congrats :))

Rob108 US

User250648 ooo could we get some good poem recommendations ~(˘▾˘~)

Rob108 THE

User005648 congratulations !

Rob108 SECRET

User005648 another pretty girl with an ugly bf lol

User099653 WOOT WOOT!

Rob108 OF

User106553 You 2 are SOOO cute together!! (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

User126940 god i wish I was him so bad

Rob108 LIBERATION

intermediate24 Hey, cutie. Click the link in my bio if you’re looking for a good time (´ิ ❥ ´ิ♡)

Rob108 FROM

User126940 thats awesome!! Happy4u

User256093 YAY (b˙◁˙ )b

Rob108 FLESH

Hundred-Blessings Stay free.

TAELER.22 I’ve got a date today! It’s been a while for me. I met him on a dating app. We bonded over having the same birthday and ironic discussions about astrology. We texted for hours and hours and days moved like seconds. It’s silly, but I feel instantly connected with him. Maybe it’s just the curse of being a romantic—but if poets believed in fate then why can’t I? I’ve got a really good feeling about this. I just have this feeling like I can find happiness with him. The past year has been very difficult for me but when I’m with him, hell, whenever I think of him, I start to feel as if all that suffering had meaning. I haven’t needed to drink since we started texting. I feel good. Hopeful. I’ve made a vow. Regardless of what happens tonight, I will be a different person.

96dpi The disappearance rate of women on dates with men they meet online has steadily been rising.

ryan's mom @96dpi wtf is wrong with you

TAELER.22 I’m finally reading again. I’ve always been a reader but I’ve not been able to pick up a book in almost a year. I want to get back into writing poetry but my brain needs to retrain its muscles. Things are starting to look up a little bit though. My legs still feel weak. The bed has a gravitational pull so strong that empty bottles orbit around it; I lie on unwashed sheets with enough blood stains to make the set of a horror movie look tasteful—but, against all odds, I’ve opened the blinds a little bit. There’s more sunlight in my room. I’ve been working out. Mostly dancing but I’m also up to five push-ups. I’m losing weight and I’m starting to feel good about how I look. So much so that I downloaded a dating app this morning. I’m learning to take the little victories whenever I can. I’m starting to see poetry in the trees again. I haven’t felt this way in a very long time.

97% Who wants to bet on how long this lasts?

StayGold79 Keep fighting.

Sophie53 Keep dancing.

TAELER.22 Last night, I hit rock bottom. I’m posting this as a reminder to myself: this is who I’ve been, or rather, this is who I am. I’ve never been in a serious relationship before, but from what I’ve seen, I think the thing I’ve been most jealous of is to have a reason to be good to at least one person. To be heroic in the eyes of someone in awe because you decided to do the dishes even though it was their turn. Honestly, I can be pretty hateful. I look around this app and I constantly judge the lives of others; I see people in relationships and oftentimes I just don’t understand why anyone would want to be with someone who doesn’t know the difference between lay and lie. But I guess that’s what love is. It’s someone who sees you for something you’re not. Someone who can look at you and think wow that person is really smart and joyous and pretty and to have them think that even when you’re struggling to open the childproof cap for your anti-depressants while wearing socks and crocs in the morning. Someone who would rather rewrite the rules of lay and lie than see you for what you are. I want that. I want someone to look at me like that and I want to live up to that fantasy person. It has to be better than being this person.

NGC94 Good luck on finding someone! It can make all the difference :>

dozenal12 I recommend getting into gardening.

MsFridayThe13th You’re a great person, don’t tell yourself all those things! You’re very pretty, actually, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Get out there and get what you deserve (>‿◠)✌

intermediate24 Hey, cutie. Click the link in my bio if you’re looking for a good time (´ิ ❥ ´ิ♡)

TAELER.22 It’s been months since the funeral. Most of my friends have managed to carry on with their lives and I am still me. I’ve been thinking of ending things too. Life just kind of moves on. The sky changes shape and the universe expands—I keep asking it to slow down and sit beside me for a moment but I’ve never gotten a response. I don’t know what to do. My friends are beginning to hate being around me. I can tell. They would all take bullets for me but none of them want to have coffee with me. I exhale toxins. I don’t blame them. Nobody wants to be around a walking corpse. I watch myself from the outside and I wonder why I still bother. Secondhand smoke leaks from my sweat glands. I feel horrible. I hate myself but I want someone. I’m scared and alone and I need someone. I want to know what it’s like to be loved. What it’s like to have a reason to wake up tomorrow. If only he had that; maybe he’d still be here. If we could have given him that. If I could have told him. I’m sick of feeling worthless.

5senses I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to be around. I’ve been dealing with a few things. I promise you that I can be available for you soon. Just hang in there for now. And please, be kinder to yourself. Love you, okay?

brisingamen19 Grow up. You know we’re still your friends.

Hundred-Blessings Stay free.